Laws and Stuff

I was originally going to have a "Law" of something on each page, but that didn't work. So here's a list of all the ones I was planning to use but didn't, and all the ones I actually did use, and stuff like that. Note that since some of these are pretty old they may not be correct at all.

Law of Fine Dining

Part 1: The square root of the number of utensils is directly proportional to the fanciness of the meal.

Part 2: The fanciness of a meal is equivalent to the proportion between the price of the most expensive wine and the price of the most expensive entree.

Law of Personality

One third of a person's personality is inherited from their mother, one third of a person's personality is inherited from their father, and one third of a person's personality contradicts that of both parents.

Law of Programming

Part 1: The faster a program operates, the more difficult it is to either read it or write the source code.

Part 2: The chance of an error occuring is inversely proportional to the difficulty of finding and debugging that error.

Part 3: The smaller a program is, the more complicated the code is.

Part 4: The harder a programmer is concentrating on not making any errors, the more errors that programmer will make.

Part 5: The more complicated and exacting a mathematical formula is, the more times the programmer will get it wrong.

Law of Video Gaming

Any amount of excitement that can be caused by a complicated, graphics-intensive game for many people can be caused by a simple, basic game for a few people.

Law of Mathematics

The more uses a formula has, the more simple that formula will be. Alternatively, the more specialized a formula is, the more complicated that formula will be.

Law of Merchandise

Things that have lasted for a long time in the past will continue to last longer than things that were invented recently.

Law of Juggling

Part 1: Whatever you throw up will hit your hand when it comes down with an equal and opposite velocity.

Part 2: Although it takes exponentially greater amounts of practice to juggle more and more balls, the average non-juggler cannot tell the difference between five and seven.

Part 3: Non-jugglers find flashy, easy tricks more interesting than simple, insanely difficult tricks.

Law of Graphs

The more beautifully curved a graph looks, and the more a graph is found in nature, the more complicated and strange the equation of the graph is.

Law of Vocabulary

The sole reason that vocabulary exists is that is makes the inventor of the vocabulary sound more intelligent.

Law of Languages

The more complex, ancient, and arcane a language is, the more useful it is to learn it.

Law of Jobs

The propensity toward scandals and toward tabloid articles increases when salary increases. The probability of a fatal injury or accident on the job increases when salary decreases.

Law of Probability

The more improbable the chance of an event occuring, the more useful and positive it would be for the event to occur.

Law of Scientific Progress

Part 1: Every hundred years, what we know is doubled.

Part 2: The most difficult things to prove are either blatantly obvious or tremendously obfuscated.

Part 3: One percent of people account for ninety percent of discovery.

Law of Crime

The more harmless and fun a crime is to commit, the more people will commit it.

Law of Studying

The more other people help you study, the more you will be able to absorb.

Law of Opinion

Having an opinion going against common assumption often makes you right. Having an opinion going against common knowledge often makes you wrong.

Law of Heat

The brighter a room is, the hotter that room will be.

Law of Art

Art is judged not on how much effort the artist put into it, not on how much talent the artist has, not on how expensive were the materials used, not on the amount of thought put into the art, but on the number of people who have done what the artist has done in the same style before.

Law of Education

The purpose of education is to make the less intelligent children as smart as everyone else, and to make the more intelligent children as dull as everyone else.

Law of Behavior

The manner in which we wish others would behave is usually more kind and thoughtful than the manner in which we ourselves behave.

Law of Suggestion

The younger a person is, the more likely it is that that person will not accept suggestions from others that they are not friends with. The older a person is, the more likely it is that that person will not accept suggestions from others that they are friends with.